Self-incomprehension...

Another sleepless night is driving me crazy... I drink raspberry coffee, trying to pretend that my mind is in perfect shape and still can generate bright ideas. But it doesn't. I am not even able to sort out as simple stuff as my academics – what's going to happen to my life?
I lie to myself, I lie and I lie and I lie, so I can be at peace, while searching for the right path in the darkness, because if I don't, I will definitely get lost. Miserable, but Humane, hypocritical, but natural, I stubbornly keep walking against the stream, which leaves me on exactly the same spot, as the starting one. Am I going to do anything about it? Yes, I am trying. Have I succeeded in anything? Not yet.
I walk outside. Masks, dreams and hallucinations. Radiohead flows within me. Talking to myself more lately. That scares me sometimes... Like there are two different people: the one one who walks my path and the one watching. The one who walks is weak and idealistic. The one, who watches is cynical and realistic – supposedly more prepared for survival. We'll see, who wins in the end...
My eyes are burning. Every second have to fight with unbearable wish to just hide in the black blanket and give up for today, so I can continue the fight tomorrow. What if some fights cannot be delayed till tomorrow? ... Well. This one probably can wait...