Dreamer - International

4rth dimension

2009-09-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

In the middle of realizing something bigger than myself, flying higher than a kite, falling deeper than saliva drunk and founding myself in a secret garden, on the roof looking over the sleeping Fulton @ 4am in the morning. Drinking burning Absinthe shots in the deepest of Killabrews and listening to crazy talk of curly drunkenness telling me something about what I am supposed to feel...
Fuck this crap. I don't have to go along with expectations of others. My own "mistakes" are mine and they are just a part of the Plan. One way or another I am on the road. Maybe it is a path, maybe a big highway - it is a road. My road.
Feeling lonely by the morning sunrise I fall asleep in the sweet cuddling of black sheets and dream of explosive weed, microwave pianos and burn in the fire that I started myself. My mind is leaving me step by step, but it keeps coming back to remind me that all this is simply temporary. A butterfly is to wave its wings and the world will change once more. It may take a day or a year - I am good at waiting.
No Spain this spring... Fuck exchange arrangements.

Сердце не продам на аукционе

2009-07-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

I've not written for too long to come back and look retrospective at everything that happened in between. What happened has happened and I am pretty much living in the mighty Now. I've got to say it has got its moments...

Nonetheless, the chain of bottles, skirts and airplanes has brought me here, in Russia – the place that is supposed to be my homeland, but somehow seems only as a well known coffee-bar that I used to visit every day and got to know all its inhabitants. Figuring out what does it mean to be Russian was the hardest part of the journey... I still did not make it to the top of Sinai, but nonetheless got my eyes on the shadow of the sign, marking a road ahead of me.

How surprised I was when I figured that bachelor life's pro's are nothing in comparison to its con's. My life alone does not seem to be nearly as fulfilled as it used to be when I had someone to share it with. Someone in mind to pass it on to. However I've got no intention of fooling myself into a common misconception of a “Grown up life” and getting married in this half of my life. There is no way that some stupid property contract would be able to tear my life apart or influence it in any way. What I am hoping for is that one day I will stand strong enough to command the circumstances and conquer the death which is after me by continuing the cycle.

After listening to thousands of old and smart people trying to give me a substantial advice in life: what to do, how to prosper, reach happiness, fulfill the Grand Design and all the rest of shiny jewels that humanity seems to run for, I've made up my mind on the matter. They don't know shit themselves and somewhere deep, inside their tired skulls, they want me to explore and discover, whether what they think the road must be is the right one. Bullshit. You all had your own life to try it out. Failed? Too bad... I don't have compassion.

Once in June I went for a swim in a cold-as-a-fuck lake and later chilled in the hot sun, watching other people do the same. They jumped in the cold water, cursed the hell out of it, themselves, their relatives and everything that came up to their minds, then went out of the water, stood under the burning sun and said “HOW AWESOME!!!”. I did the same... There is something incredible in the way we need this contrast between trouble and pleasure... When we don't have the trouble – we create it. If we don't – it comes to us itself. Everything for us to feel good is out here – in this world of wonders... It only sucks that lots of us do not manage to stay alive until the pleasure time comes... But what can u do, right?

Why did I just write down all this quasi-philosophical bullshit? No particular reason really – I don't give a fuck what the reader would think – I just wanted to do it. However, following my earlier thoughts, I'd say that I am either already in shit till my neck or it's coming after me and then quite soon its gonna get better. Lately I am having quite weird dreams. I run away from something that is trying to kill me and hide in the hands of someone I adore. But neither I get to see the villain, nor I get to focus on the face of my savior. All I understand out of this dream is that I've got to keep moving. I have five tickets on my hands already, but I suppose that it will take more to figure out which destination is mine. I don't believe in dreams and I am not crazy to think that someone/something is making them for me – I stick to the idea that it is a part of myself giving me signals. I can trust myself, can't I, for if I can't – who is there else to trust?

Anyhow, the time that I decided to waste on writing journals is over, hopefully I will come back to it, until then – so long to anyone who was reading this and good luck figuring out something in this mess of a world.

Traveler.

In between the here and there, at the bottom of despair,

Lies a cup and lonely pack of cigarettes

Doesn't matter it's unfair, doesn't matter who's up there

He will never really care for her regrets

She will take a drag. Nervous. What's waiting behind the gates?

Girls will start to brag. Shameless. Why did she leave to the States?

Father wouldn't know. Clueless. Has anyone done her harm?

Mother'll understand. Always. And wait till she's back again.

Saturday morning thoughts

2009-04-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Woke up way past 3 o'clock in the afternoon with the feeling that I was really kicking last night, but I might just as well regret it all today. The morning indeed was full of surprises, some of them positive, some negative. The search for Hellenistic ideal slightly transformed into understanding of the cyclical, possibly spiral organization of things. I am climbing out of one pitfall in order to fall into the other and I do not see the end to this, other than death.
My exhausted body is resting on the black sheets of misery and salvation, staring in the direction of the newborn stars, which I will not see until the late evening. My own thoughts and the thoughts of others tangled in the passionate waltz are spinning around, having me as a silent observer enjoying the show. Once I got rid of the unbearable heaviness of waiting for the things to resolve, the lump in my throat disappeared, leaving a bad taste in the mouth, comparable to the aftertaste of the bad sour wine.
If before I was dieing of boredom and loneliness, I am left with loneliness solely now. Reaching a hand which no one dares to take, singing a song which no one can sing along with. If I was to compare myself and people to onions, I would wish that we peeled off the unnecessary layers, standing virtually naked in front of each other, going back to the lovely simplicity which we once had, but no longer dare to approach. In no way this simplicity will simplify us, or our lives - they would remain complex and unbearably attractive, as they are now. What it would change is the useless, foolish chase after substitutions of happiness, which always end up being a dust in our hands when the clock hits twelve. It will not make us more vulnerable, but stronger, bring more sense to our lives.
18th of April. Could have been, but it didn't happen. Tomorrow is 19th. Another meaningful date in my life. Sometimes the difference between 18th and 19th fits in the whole life.
Small details matter. Big details help to understand. I keep trying on different perspectives.

Nuttcase...

2009-04-05T02:42:00.000-07:00

Messed up.... Nor for sure... Broke my heart first, changed my world for second... I want what I cannot get, I have what I don't want to.... There are no guarantees, there is no certainty, there are no rules... All I could think of that there is - the readiness to give up one or the other thing. I am apparently ready to give up one... now am. In the future - it doesn't depend only on me...
(Evil laughter)
Not being judgmental is not happening. You are yourself. We are. And I am going to be. It's all about what we are ready to give up and feel good about it... Sexual is connected to feelings and other way around, whatever you, people say - u will see it eventually. Idealism is dieing - realism is taking place. Can I have pills for greediness? Please, give me more and more and...
"Punishing in return for carelessness and realization of true values..?" - living to live. I never did that while with you... you may be right on that one... I will check it out... maybe... Ready for auditions? the bar is high... too high sometimes...
Ehhh... So right and so wrong... the theories dont work - it is all about personal decisions and I am making them everyday now, weighing the cost, benefit and love (the general feeling of not giving a living damn about the sacrifices)
Don't get me wrong - it's just a pile of trashy thoughts comming out of a drunk, confused, heartbroken mind and if someone doesn't like it - fuck off or stay - up to you...
Will try my best to live the way I should have, but am not sure that will manage anything...
confused even more,
Little Prince, who has entered ausilium...

Wake up...

2009-04-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

Slowly opening the eyes, I look out from underneath the black sheets. The plan kinda worked - all that rum last night in the end transformed into a thousand hammers knocking on my skull right now and I do feel a little bit better.
I cannot imagine to which kind of thoughts my mind rose last night... I have been accepting like I am a god's son, have been falling deep in the trap of dignity and destroyed self-consciousness, but what even more surprises me, no matter how I was supposed to be changed - I was not. I stood there, drinking my big cup, people trying to dance close to me, but I was far away. Too far away to say hello on time sometimes...
There is a memory of mine, which often comes to my mind now - it is about a boy and a girl breaking up and them "being friends" for a while. That memory relates to an earlier stage of my life, when things were different, but I remember that for a boy it all came down to one thing. If you destroyed something - you have to build it again, he had to conquer everything from the beginning... Funny how life turns out... People give up so easy...
Day 1, who the fuck knows, what's gonna happen... need to clean up the dark red puke in the bathroom before the cleaners started bitching...

Epitaph

2009-04-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

Our fear of pain makes us do ugly, stupid and disgusting things, that hopefully we will remember as lessons forever. Thank you for all the unbearable pain that you brought me.

God almighty...

2009-04-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

Even more sad... Feels like a crazy doctor is sticking long needles in every single part of my body and nobody can save me. Called my uncle last night and made a peace with him. Getting married... Happy for him... He said I should get used to this... untill the point that I don't care... But isn't it that if I won't care, I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore..? How would I know the difference between what I should do and what I shouldn't?
Wish I could scream my lungs out right now... my own fault that I visited that page as well... I knew it wouldn't make it better...

"I wish I had T, but I only have P..."
Fuck internet.

Came across this in my drawer...

2009-04-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

Under the still surface of shining soft Water, which smiles at you as you try to look inside, hide millions of voices... They talk one at a time, or sometimes all together, producing the cacophony and bringing in madness and despair. The ear-plugs won't help you - this is not a loud shot-gun or noisy housewife across the road - they ARE inside you, they never stop.
When a stone falls into the still water, not only it destroys the the overall calmness of the surface, but also sets the voices free. And that's not something you want to happen, as they become a torment not only for you, but for the others, who live around the Water.
Long time ago, in the age when people were innocent and naive, there were no voices. They were protectively kept outside the borders of this little world by the Mother Goddess. But Mother Goddess disappeared long time ago and now it is us, people who keep them under the surface.
Sometimes we accidentally set them free and start doubting whether they are to be kept there. What if they will eventually get burned under the hostile influence of the shining Sun? What if they are meant to be released to leave this place once and forever?
No one knows the answer untill the sanity is questioned and pushed to the point, when there is no comming back. No one wants to try, because it is too hard to bear. No one knows, if Mother Goddess is comming back.
What if she won't? What if we are stuck with these voices forver?

Who will find the answers if not us?

(An extract from mad diaries of Cpt. Bol)

Here I am... up on the stage...

2009-03-31T06:25:00.000-07:00

Days full of dark thoughts and arguments about what is right and what is wrong. In fact there may be no right and wrong. Just something one can live with and something one can't.
I wanted to make a point, clarify something. Not only I failed to make it - it didn't make sense to try in the first place. What does make sense then? What else is there to strive for? Especially now... Before it was not that lonely... now it is. Feel like I am in Moscow again - everyone for themselves. Nasty.
Waking up at 6am because nightmares drive me nutts, the head is occupied with frustration about myself, what I stand for and how I see this world.
I need some fresh air... something to make it feel a little less hopeless. Where the hell is the optimist which used to live within me?!

One has to learn to forgive, but one has to balance between forgiving and being the bottom of the shoe. Explaination... Can't wait for that one... Hope I won't have to live all life to get it...

Cynical, maniacal, agreessive and dry I wish I had a good kiss which would wipe away the blackboard of pain...

My Bloody Valentine

2009-03-28T17:26:00.001-07:00

The Spring Break is almost over... What's new? What is accomplished? What keeps the Earth moving?
I wanted to escape and think. Wanted to run away and forget to calm down. I did it. Everything I have been thinking about is still here - right in my head, but I am not feeling like a freak on energy pills anymore at least.
I have been riding horses, driving like crazy on a four-wheeler, played guitar next to the bonfire, baked potatoes - everything I would do some 2 years ago when I wanted to entertain myself. I liked it but it is not enough. Never will be until I find my way home again. So far it is way too far away to even reach through the electric impulse and a laptop. There is something more than just distance to cover. The circumstances, obstacles - known and unknown to me are there.
What do I have? - Hope. Certainty about my feelings.
What do I not have? Certainty about someone's else feelings. A powerful tool which would help me to neglect the main obstacles on my way. A whole list of things which are not of such significance but nevertheless play important part apparently.
What am I going to do about it? No joking - will at least bleed to death trying to make my dream happen.
Sound plan, isn't it? I am sure it is not black and white anymore. I am sure I will figure out the nuances on the way. I am sure that's good enough for a start.
Smile - 'cause somebody has to.
"Have you noticed blood on paper? Something sacred... " - The destruction and creation are bonded together - this is something that the author forgot to mention...

"Lost while walking back home..."
Currently not needed Little Prince.

The next morning...

2009-03-20T06:10:00.000-07:00

Headake, hangover and suffocation. Pain. A lot of it all over the place. Mind blacks out each time I try to reach. Fear. In excess. Fear that I might have lost/loose the most precious part of my life. Confusion over what's going on. I stare at the screen, searching for the right words to say, but the words are like sharp knives cutting me. There is one deep inside my heart and if it is going to be taken out - I am a goner. I wish I could make it easier. Not for myself, ...
All the memories in my heart seem so close in time. The day before yesterday I recieved amazing e-mail with the writing I will never forget. Last night I had a talk which I will never forget. Which one is more real. Which one reflects the reality truthfully? I can't figure out on my own.
If it had to happen at all, I am sure it didn't have to happen yesterday. Too many questions and not a single answer. Wish I could look up in the future and give hint... I can't. Neither can I make anything possible before june as I calculated last night. FML. Fary-tale gone (or was it just a bad dream for real?)

spitting blood in the darkness

2009-03-17T00:12:00.001-07:00

I am tired. Tired of running on the edge of the knife, tired of fighting for something which in the end should be won by patience and peace. I am loosing the understanding, in fact, where do we loose and where do we win. Something to think about, when the brain refuses to focus on studying. Now I think I am at peace. At least for the past 24 hours I did not feel pain or fear. The skies are nice to me today. Not everything is amazing in terms of practical side of the life, but I am figuring it out. Tomorrow, hopefully I will be able to feel my old self again. Remember, what does it mean: have fun on the stage. And who knows - maybe Felipe is right about Colombia :P
My father wrote to me. Looks like a new person. He treats me differently. Feels good. I wish I could spend more time with him...
The movie today got me thinking a lot. Partly - a usual excitement about the new things, that I get to experience, partly something which is going to stay with me. We'll see.
Not happy, not sad, not excited (except for the usual spring hormones jumping inside me), not depressed. Different, but not indifferent I watch the stars fall.
Nothing ends... Everything changes.

What can happen if a drunk Russian gives an interview...

2009-03-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

Grigor (Johnnie) Velkovsky
Intro to Journalism

My interviewee sits reluctantly at first, the prospect of been asked questions about his past doesn't seem very comfortable, and I would imagine it is for quite big number of people. However as the conversation goes on the pace picks up and he starts to speak with much more enthusiasm – in the end people always like to talk about themselves or what's on their mind. He is in his twenties, blond hair and brown eyes, Russian of descent although he likes to consider himself at times simply “international”.
Our interview starts with basic questions such as “Where did you grew up? What influence your family had and on you” and so on. He replies “Saint-Petersburg” with a smile on his face and quickly starts to talk about the beauty and the memories, which he has from the city. His parents divorced when he was four and he doesn't have much memory of them being together, although his father would take him out occasionally and he would live with his mother for most of his life. His mother would often go to work, so he would spend time mostly by himself, describing his early childhood as “quiet”, one of grey sky and books he would go through, since he learned to read at quite young age. He and his mother would often travel and he lived in Ukraine for about an year, moving from place to place until he returned once more to Saint Petersburg. As the years passed and he reached the age of seven, my interviewee would often spend a lot time on his own, his mother helping him out to learn basic mathematics, writing and enhance his readings as beginning of school approached more and more closer. Asked at school what he wanted to grow up as, he gave a surprising answer to the teachers - “I always wanted to be a spy, unlike the other kids who wanted to be lawyers or business men, without actually knowing why or what it meant”. Few years later, he would excel in his work and become much more socially out-going until him and his mother decided to change school - “I felt no growth in that school anymore”. By that time he also started hiking, which he describes as one of the best experiences ever - “We all got to know who we are and who we can really rely on”, he adds with a smile as the memories replay. Family issues however brought him back and created another aspect of his personality “I didn't see them as a role model anymore, I wanted to make my own future”. A talk with his cousin led him to a decision to try for a UWC (United World College), and few months later he got accepted, a decision he made with a snap of fingers - “I really wasn't thinking about it much, I just wanted to have something different, something new, wanted to run away.” Those two years he had there helped him immensely to grow up as person, to become much more responsible, which he describes with three words “greatest experience ever”. My question that followed immediately was “Why? What was so special?” to which he replied “Because it changed me up-side down, took away the concept of homeland.” I could identify myself in those words, it was an all too familiar path I once walked myself and as he continued to explain more about his two years, I could not help but nod and agree with what he said. He finishes off with a metaphor “I became an Odyssey of some sort, but it also took away my home, family and friends to an extent.” UWC could be described in such way, it is indeed a journey for those who get through such experience, one of finding and re-finding yourself at an alarming rate. We pause for a bit, talking about our mutual experience and our interview slowly progresses to what he felt after leaving it - “I found that I lost the everyday's awesomeness in UWC, the ability to create it, I lost a lot of people with whom I could relate and connect in many different ways, in a sense I lost home again.” I wondered myself and again could not help but agree, that those two years were really years of great change, reaching maturity and last but not least making connections with people that would last possibly a life time. Our conversation follows the path of UWC graduating students and we slowly begin to talk about universities. “I couldn't afford education in Europe, I started looking in US”, an all too familiar scenario for myself as well. “Why Westminster?” was my first question. He smiles and answers that “I just came from an UWC and wanted to meet other people that felt like me, Westminster is a gathering point of many graduating UWC students. It's also a place, which was relatively new as I've never been to America before, I wanted to see it.” I asked him what in particular he likes about Westminster, to which he replied with - “I like the variety of classes I can take here, I also like people with hearts, and I believe I met such people here. It also gives me time to stop and reflect”, which in my opinion is a not very often found commodity and an extremely essential one. I wondered and asked, which would be the three words describing this place for him, my interviewee thought for a while and with a smirk tells me “peaceful, thoughtful and future-orientated place”.
As our interview drew to an end, I asked him how he would describe his whole life, to which he mentioned three words “unbearable lightness of being” - I wondered of what the meaning behind it would be before asking the question myself to which my interviewee nodded negatively and smiled refusing to answer - “You have to figure it out on your own” his last words are as my pen drops on the notebook.

Self-incomprehension...

2009-03-02T02:20:00.001-08:00

Another sleepless night is driving me crazy... I drink raspberry coffee, trying to pretend that my mind is in perfect shape and still can generate bright ideas. But it doesn't. I am not even able to sort out as simple stuff as my academics – what's going to happen to my life?
I lie to myself, I lie and I lie and I lie, so I can be at peace, while searching for the right path in the darkness, because if I don't, I will definitely get lost. Miserable, but Humane, hypocritical, but natural, I stubbornly keep walking against the stream, which leaves me on exactly the same spot, as the starting one. Am I going to do anything about it? Yes, I am trying. Have I succeeded in anything? Not yet.
I walk outside. Masks, dreams and hallucinations. Radiohead flows within me. Talking to myself more lately. That scares me sometimes... Like there are two different people: the one one who walks my path and the one watching. The one who walks is weak and idealistic. The one, who watches is cynical and realistic – supposedly more prepared for survival. We'll see, who wins in the end...
My eyes are burning. Every second have to fight with unbearable wish to just hide in the black blanket and give up for today, so I can continue the fight tomorrow. What if some fights cannot be delayed till tomorrow? ... Well. This one probably can wait...

Lost, while walking back home...

2009-02-12T14:23:00.000-08:00

Verse 1:
Fm# Cm# B A
Without your pictures on my wall
I sit and mourn for different world,
In fact I never knew what happened.
I step aside, I close my eyes
I see your hair fly around
On top of highest mountain. Severed.

Bridge:
Fm# A Cm#BA
And water flows
And fire burns
And You have told me we'll survive...
I step aside, I close my eyes
And I just hope that You were right...

Chorus:
E B Fm# A Cm# B Fm# A
Well, I've got handful silly questions
Lost in tensions, missed Salvation.
In the papers – only widows;
Reached a hand, but felt the fist come.
Have You noticed blood on paper?
Something Sacred turns to ashes.
Early Shadows make the men weep
Ships are sinking as we drink tea(with each tea sip)...

Bridge 2:
Cm# B A
Lost while walking back home
Singing, when nobody talks
Covered with dust from the trains
A Fm# Fm# Cm# A
I haven't heard You for days...

Verse 2:
Without your pictures on my wall,
I sit and wait for different world -
I tried my best to make it happen...
The clock is dragging me away
From all the words that I could say
And see Us walk towards what we dreamed.
Bridge, Bridge 2.

A sip of black tea...

2009-02-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am late and I know it. Non-stop every single second gets me further from the things I ever wanted to understand, learn, achieve, get used to. It doesn't mean that I won't – only that I am late with some. Too many of those and it makes me sad.
I drink my black tea and write nonsense on the piece of paper. Day after day, hour after hour. It helps me concentrate, helps me to focus and give my best shot at making a statement of who I am and what I want. It does not work nearly as good as wish it did. Every day is full of decisions, but often times I regret about them. I wish I could just get a pair of wings and unlimited supply of cigarettes – that would really make my day, but apparently it is impossible. Waiting is terrible. It is even more painful, when you want someone close to you to hurry up, but you don't seem to see them moving. Another sip of black tea.
How many times I told my mom and dad that I wanted to be born back in the days, somewhere around medieval times, Roman Empire, or in the good old Japan. Seems to me that the whole humanity went “forward” on something and I didn't make a step, was left behind like a puppy when the fire started eating Moscow in the beginning of the 19th century. Another sip of black tea.
And now... now I am a butcher for ones and a victim for the others, trying to fix a little tiny tent on top of one of the Baikal mountains, but the wind is too strong. The wind is too strong strong for me to handle. What shall I do?
- Another sip of black tea.

She used to watch me kiss the floor... What's wrong with this picture? ;)... Me.

2009-02-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

Not that I had much time to stop and think, but something definitely is at the end of this tunnel... I mean... Hallucinations, sleep problems, life senselessness and it's cruelty is still around, but there is a slight hope. When I read... when I transform the stagnating leisure into something different... when I actually do something to climb out of the shipwreck, all the philosophies and ideas go down the drain – I get a pretty physical satisfaction from helping myself climb half-step above my predecessor. But how do I get the inspiration, how do I get the incentive and the idea of the direction still remains a mystery to me. Not that I don't get one – it is that I do not know how to generate it, how does it come and... well... it is just dreaming, but... how to share it...
Egocentric as it is, I more and more see the evidence of the Beginning hiding behind oneself... But.. that was never Me before... I stumble on the path to nowhere... do I not? :D don't understand what I just wrote – it doesn't even make sense to myself... madness :P

mannequins' gallery... The path to insanity.

2009-02-08T01:20:00.000-08:00

3.21 am. I am tired of being sick and tired. Laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of how powerful is the eraser... Some 5 year old kid just took into his hand, used on a covered in blood and pain piece of paper and changed someone's life. My life.
I used to be an idealist and believe in people. I used to hide with my guitar, write songs and sing them to drunk crowds. I used to trust and think that I am trustworthy. I used to run in my boxers around the school on big break in winter. I used to do theater and dive into the ocean of my own emotions, while playing “not me”. I used to have long deep talks with people, which sometimes didn't even make sense the next morning. I used to drink a lot and socialize, while doing it. I used to smile from my heart. I used to hike. I used to run away from overwhelming pain into the woods, mountains, streets, coffee-bars and random towns. I used to not be afraid of the distance between us, because I knew I could anytime be next to You when You need me. I used to drink coffee and wine incredibly often. I used to be a part of something bigger than me 24/7. I used to fight, or encourage to fight against all the unfairness there is. I don't anymore. Stopped. Erased. All I used to believe in is either ruined or doesn't make sense anymore. All I ever really wanted to do is senseless ash.
Strange thing: the more you don't sleep – the more difficult it is to close your eyes... Today I covered the brick completely. It is black. The places I really wanted to go to are not available, because I do not have a spare 25000$ per year on me. And have no way to get them. People around me are giving up their fairy-tales, entering the grim world of reality, selling their dreams for cheap. I spent a day with a person, whose heart could melt ice. But he is the loneliest person around – am I surprised? No. Not anymore. Shall probably try to get some sleep before I serve you food tomorrow... you'd want me to look fresh, smile and ask you “how are you doing”, even though both of us honestly do not give a fuck... Get a life, Vladimir, get a life... It definitely worths getting... I just have to figure out how not to flush it in a toilet and it will be just fun. So long, Walking Flesh, So long...

Feeling creative... I guess.

2009-01-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

I figured that I have not written for a while and I should refresh my blog with some creative writing, as it hasn't really seen songs for a while... This little passage is not meant to be connected to reality in any way – it entirely is a fruit of my imagination, which happened to be sad-ish :)

He woke up early that morning. The alcohol in the blood, the tears on the eyes as he stood up. It was colder than usual – his entire body was shaking – something must have been rejected. Turning all the room upside-down he found the last two dollars and thirty-five cents, which he dropped in the pocket of the dirty jeans, he fell asleep in. A walk to buy cigarettes. He has been buying this alternative oxygen for a while now, despising how low he fell and how funny all his explanations of it sounded. “Which kind of life is it, where people do not worth trusting in each other? Why everything has to be built on lies? What will it feel like if I jump from somewhere high? Will it hurt when I am on the ground already or will I just die? What is after it? Where, where... where am I going? Do you have cigarettes for two bucks?”

-Yes, two fifteen, please...

Walking in circles around his new home... Nothing special – bricks, grass, trees in the distance... Just like any other place in the world. “Someone told me that before... Long, long time ago... Burning pictures smell bad. Not as bad as the reasons, for which people are burning them, but definitely not nice. In fact it doesn't really help either – just an ordinary action, like washing dishes or drinking coke. Interesting... Have anybody thought that in the moments when you really feel like being sad and dieing, there is always somebody passing by and being extremely happy about something? That just makes it worse. You actually stop understanding why are you so sad for a moment. Come on, man, such a fuck up... I am trying to weep here, man! Can you find another bridge to laugh on and say good mornings to people? What? You get it now, right? Saw the pile of black ashes between my legs? Or is it a cigarette, wet from the tears? Aah, fuck off already! Thank you... Adrienne, I thought I knew You...“

Did not work again... The black hole was still there, eating him from inside and there was no way that sorrow and loneliness was going to heal it. The second day of this madness. How many more batteries will be wasted?

The sun was rising, forcing a new day on him, but something was telling him that it is not going to be as happy as the days he once had. If she had something to say – she should have said it then...

2008-12-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

Remember me? Well... that's something which belongs to memories... I still didn't figure out what has exactly changed, but I am sure, that something did... I no longer stay up straight and run towards the sun. I creep in the shadows, not singing, not playing, but listening... You are different too... not the same shiny dream follower, who used to change everybody's day... Something happened on the way... Something horrible... or just new? For us to figure out...
36 degrees, but I feel myself burning and choking in the cold winter air, barefoot on the heavenly white snow... White unleashes the truth, black - covers it and protects us from seeing it. Exactly! We need to be protected from the truth, other ways it hurts us lethally and makes us walk away out of the door forever. To sleep and play games with angels...
The cigarette - the only friend who actually can follow me everywhere is almost burned, there is still little time to calm down the heart, which doesn't listen, still some time to wait and think before the cards are to be opened.
I walked on the white snow... And the dirty dark drops fell down from my shoes... Everything has a second side...
Waiting to see it...

And the sky opened and showed us the wisdom...

2008-12-07T03:18:00.000-08:00

Lot's of thoughts, lot's of feelings... all interconnected and random at the same time. I see you there, but you are far away, I see the light, but the darkness is eating it... I stop running and I ask myself: "what is it?"
- Nothing, says the silence...
Locked down in the box falling down the black hole, screaming and not producing any sound. Grave. Not for me - no... for something inside me... something i didn't know well, but it still was mine. Now it isn't.
Have the answers now. Don't like them, don't want to face them, but I have to. We all should be ready when the big water comes and floods the Earth... Sooner or later everything goes... I didn't think of it that way before today :) How much it changes things...
Pigeons... fly away out of my opened chest, making love in the air and killing each other... inevitably, unless...
Unless we find all the answers...
My heart is still beating for you... take care of it - easy to break...
Ljublju odnu na vsem svete...

My memories hunting me...

2008-12-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

Cold winter morning. Getting rid of the warm blanket becomes harder and harder... Krasa Nesmirna is playing in the headphones, covering the trees around in memories, instead of the snow which melted last night. I walk out, repeating the same pathway, down to the gas-station, back past the mailbox, same breakfast with pancakes, 5 minutes of self-recollection outside... The routine is my enemy, so is it my only companion.
Dreaming get's harder and harder, the piles to get rid of get bigger and bigger, leaving both me and you senseless lying in warm corners, which we tried to make as home-like as we could...

- Good morning! :)
How are you? :*
- ok...
- did you finish?
- nope...
- call?
- the internet sucks...
- ok...
- ljublju :*
- tozhe...
- gotta go... I have....
ljublju... :* skuchaju... :(
- tozhe... :*
have to finish....
less than ... weeks... :P
- I know... :)
Poka :*
- Poka... :*

When? When is it finally going to be over?! Shouting at myself, smoking one more, going back, again digging the shithole...
I miss the fairy-tale... The one which brought me to life and gave me strength to save the world... Mine and yours at least... I wish I could be a sailor, a pilot, or just a bird, so I could just hop in, knock on the window and smile with the soul, not just with the lips... But my fairy-tale can live alone... It needs you to complete the magic lines, to give life to all the supernatural in the story...

Prosti... Prosti za vsju bol', chto ja tebe prines... :*

2008-11-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

Another night, again problems with falling asleep. Luckily enough, I got a lot of time to think lately - it is always somewhat useful, I believe. Moving from one corner to another, not seeming to find my place... Something, I am used to. No surprise - I have always been like that. Ever since... or maybe not just?
Keyboard buttons drum in the tiny little room. With the black curtain it became even darker than before, but I don't really mind - it is not that important at all anymore. The empty bubble is growing and eating each one of us and everything around it... minute by minute. In the probably one of the most internationally oriented schools in the US for three days lots of different people are talking about development, democracy, future. At the same time, on the other part of the earth people are dying in wars, which they didn't start, solve problems, they didn't make and expect the worst, hoping for the best. The best never comes and they die disappointed. And while they are dying the same people in US and all around the globe just keep talking and talking and talking and ... And they think that their talking is a change, that it makes a difference and gives them extra credit in heaven... But it doesn't do shit.
Melancholy increases, wings are getting shorter and shorter... I watch a lot... I am an observer in my soul... Empty. Faces are soo empty as they face the vibes of voices... Damn this place. Damn any other. It is ignorance, I am fighting against - not some point on the map. Hate ignorance. People need to start feeling again... Use you right part of the brain, damn it!
Silence... No one is listening.
Great.
Another monologue.

Big thunder

2008-11-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

Don't even try to tell me about priorities! I do not understand, how can that be an argument in every single conversation, when it is not such in real life?! I am too tired of trying to be open minded and understanding. Because I do not understand! Do you?!
It has been ages since I have seen you, ages since I heard your voice whispering in my ear, and that is OK... Life is such right now that we have to be on different continents, but do not tell me that I could do something differently, because I couldn't and you wouldn't do it differently either. At least the way I see you could...
Every single day I wake up thinking about you, go to bed, thinking about you, do the fucking homework, thinking, how are you doing, imagining your life, because I do not hear about it. And when I do? All I understand that there is not much difference in the way we do things, but there is a big difference in the way we see them and say them. These words might not make much sense, but it is probably the best I can do right now, torn apart, burning in frustration on my bed...
And as I can guess, it is not going to change. Never really changed ever since we ended up being the way we are. All the little tiny things, I am trying to drown myself in, solving problems, which do not concern me, because I cannot solve mine. And I have a strong feeling that you are in the same shit, even though you might not want to admit it or see it that way... Victim is another name for Lover. Those guys were damn right! But they didn't mention that there are always two victims...
Why we always argue about something which is not important and do not argue about something, which is really crucial and affects all the little things, we argue about. It is not that I cannot see it - the big dark cloud, which affects all the shitty words, which jump out of our dirty mouths - I can. I just don't want to start something which is going to cause much more shit in fact, then it does right now. Probably even make a huge shit flood or something and we both are going to drown in it... But maybe there is a way to get rid of that could, the way, not concerning getting inside and getting hit by deadly lightnings? I hope there is, because we gotta find it asap...
Sometimes I just do not know how to stand on my feet anymore... I need some solution...

The house of the rising sun...

2008-11-03T22:01:00.001-08:00

When I came here I didn't know... I didn't know that I would find such amazing people being my friends... It doesn't prevent me from dreaming of a better future sometimes, but now I hope I learned something. And it is not new. Make the best of what you have... G, thank you for reminding me on that ultimate truth... Don't even know what would I do if you didn't...
Buried in homeworks I rise my head up and look at the sun with the shades, which I lost somewhere, btw... Funny... Was checking facebook and figured that I have way too much pictures with those shades... I should get the new ones...:) Krevetka has been Krevetka as allways, but that doesn't surprise me anymore - we are so different, but so alike...:*:D Started writing in a journal again... Hope it will go on as I tend to forget things, when the first excitement fades away...
Smiled... And it made my evening... - My advice to the world...:)

13 minutes left...

2008-10-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

There are 13 minutes left... 13 minutes to the end of the pain, to the end of my nerves... I sit here and all I see is the white screen full of symbols, that I cannot use properly anymore. It is not that I could do it before - it is that the the whole idea of writing is not my best part anymore... What is then? What was lost during the 14 hour stop in Istanbul this summer? I don't really know anymore. And it doesn't matter. I think I worry too much about what lost, rather than about what actually gained. The never ending debate over the glass and half a glass of water in it. Burned.
Yesterday one of the few people here, that I actually respected, knocked on my window and said that he betrayed what he loved the most. It is over for him now. In one hour he managed to burn the year worth experience and set up a new road. One hour ago he would claim to be one person and one hour later he is totally different. For everyone who placed their life into him. What they are supposed to do with it now? Say "OK" and do the same? And it will be OK?!
And if he could change like that in an hour period - what can I do in these 13 minutes? No answer... The silence all around me. Everywhere. It is just scary...
Such a pity! I used to know all the answers, but it was long-long time ago... About 20 years ago - now I don't know any. (Smile...)
13 minutes over.
The message is sent.
I am out of here.
Nothing changed really.

No Fear - Rus is Here!!!

2008-10-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

I finally came back... Ufff.. It was a tough weekend with amazing combination of whatever humans created to f.ck their bodies up... The wind in my face while driving in a white mercedez (hehe classy shit)... I really had lots of fun and managed to stop thinking for several days, which I really needed lately, as the shit kept piling up.
I managed to:
kill my brain constantly for almost 3 days,
Eat (pretty ok food surprisingly) cheap at the hospital,
sit in the car driven in a bad condition,
catch a hallucination,
laugh my ass off,
whatch a shittiest movie about the zombies ever made,
Have an only-guys party(first time in 1 year).

I am proud of what I managed to accomplish(there is surely more to the list though) and am getting ready for a new tiresome study hard period of my life..
Ahhh... Life is good, whatever they say...

Garg! Road to ruin...

2008-10-05T23:12:00.001-07:00

My mood is up!
End to depressive posts!
lately I have been going crazy, aggressive, mad and junkie-like. No more. Of course the loads of homework which as always pile up when the weekend comes are still there. Surely, there was no time to do them on time as I work my ass off on weekends, but it all doesn't matter. It is not the done work only which makes us happy - it can be a smile of the sun on Sunday morning, a hug of a best friend, a cigarette after a tiresome day and a voice of a beloved person kilometers away.
I love you, Honey! More than I ever did. Although that's kind of difficult to measure;P
I am trying to keep in-touch with the people who I care about back home, don't have any money to buy a pack of smokes, but a green apple on my working table reminds me that there were times when people didn't know, what a cigarette is...
Of course, not all of my wishes are satisfied, but it is not about satisfying them all - it is about being able to throw away the burden, you never really dedicated yourself to carry and walk towards the future with the white wings behind the back. I need to see my shiny kitchen... And make a good coffee though as the coffee here couldn't be even compared to the home-cooked caramel stuff...;P
Once more: Ljublju tebja, zajka, dazhe hot' ty i byvaesh' kusachej krevetkoj inogda...;P
Ljublju i Celuju.

Do you remember?..

2008-09-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

The past days were pretty intense, I would say...
I worked for 18 and a half hours and I will get about 120$ for that, but I am not sure that it is worth it. The bloody job made me incredibly tired, I couldn't talk to Radka when we decided to, there is a pile of school work which is not gonna get smaller by itself.
On top of all that I don't really feel at home here. I just don't seem to see the exit. From time to time there is a question, which really bugs me: how are all that people whom our generous school sent to fly across the ocean with a warm good bye and a feeling of not being able to get out of here?
Are they happy, are they now closer to what they thought is the goal of their life?
I personally have a feeling that I flew away from my goal...
Gotta write the f.cking essay...
Hope for better future.

When it was wet and grey a while ago...

2008-09-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

Wet and grey. My cigarette burns out and falls on the sticky grass. The sun is hiding from me although I don't remember ffending it. Three steps down, when the syren is crying in the dense air; bubles in the coke of the girl passingby. She is smiling, leans forward, reaches her boyfriend. Kiss... Jealousy within me.

The butterfly fell asleep while flying and woke up in another world. At the bottom of somebody's glass. Somebody, who was sitting in a chair, thinking of incomprehensible life.

Forget about the birds and the bees. Forget about the stones and reflected questionmarks. Forget about the morning light which takes away the silent breath of night. Forget.

Rememberthe guitar strings across the ocean, connecting two hearts with their own infinity.

Another kind of WC...

2008-09-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

I am here in the country where everyone is pretty much consentrated on him/herself, in the country where I cannot buy alcohol because I am "too young" for it, where being russian implies that I killed "poor" georgeans and that I drink a lot of Vodka. Maybe. I didn't drink much since I came here, although since the moment I am here, I know, how to get a bottle or two.

It's all messed up in my head now, the goals I used to put in front, the friends, I used to be around, the coffee here makes me sick.

Esteevan would say that this phrase is my most common, "I miss Her!" is written on every fence, wall and tree around. The sun is f.cking hot and smiles, while I am steadily getting burned down here across the ocean, far away from everything, what I value so much...

I take all the mess within me, all the good and the bad memories, all the thoughts at 5am in the morning, because I cannot sleep well for some reason and start dancing my survival dance in front of the window when the darkness falls.

And I feel that I am the creator.

Driven crazy...

2008-07-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Bloody embassies... I can't stand them anymore!!! Motherfuckers really were created to make our lives complicated...

But I am not giving up! I will come to u through the fire, distance, time, space, crashed by magnetic fields of the universe, broken with the fallen tree I will reach your feet... And smile from happyness...

Miss You

2008-07-07T03:17:00.000-07:00

I am worried... In general nothing good is going on. My brain had some difficulties with passing through one of the most important moments of my life, but I am managing well so far...
I do not understand, what is going on the other side of myself - puzzled and just little pieces of this puzzle are left for me to try to fit them into the picture, but I don't manage to.

The beer doesn't make any better, my throat is fucked because of the cigarettes and the only person, who could make it better or clear is far away, busy and occupied sorting out things, I really would like to hear about.

Hidden jealousy as always is making things only worse, but I am trying to block as much as I can...
If I could only be a bird for a day to fly over the border... to see You, to ask You questions.. to Love You until the sun will sink into horizon...

I will
I send all the strength
I don't need it any more
Take it, use it
Just be happy, please...
Ljublju

All these words for You...

2008-06-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

Em C

One by one days pass...

Am H7

God's my witness, how I miss You

When I close my eyes

I remeber, how we kissed each other

Under this tree -

Spent all day, searching for blossoming one

On the first of May -

Do You remember?

Where are You and how?

Ch.: G Am C D

Three o'clock - can't sleep

In the kitchen writing lyrics.

It's too cold without You, Sunshine

Let me know, what do You think about

Taking me Home -

I'm like a street dog, I didn't shave for ages.

Silence in my phone -

You didn't write today, I didn't either...

Ch.

I will pack my stuff,

I will take guitar and cut my hair,

I will take a bus - I'll have just enough

To get to say: "Hello!

I'm so glad to see You smiling!

We will never be alone!

I can't live without You, Darling!

Can't believe that I am Home...

Wake me up if I am dreaming -

I am able to wait more

All my life if needed... singing...

Singing this..."

Ch.

They tracked us down...

2008-06-05T03:29:00.000-07:00

Verse1: Dm Bb Gm A
Empty. Faceless. World has chased us
Quick tight embraces. Success. Empty.
Sunshine. Painfull. Took away home.
Love and Fear. Rain didn't hide our tears.

Ch: Dm Bb Gm A
They tracked us down!
They tracked us down!
I don't know how to run away -
They tracked us down!

Verse2: Dm G Bb C
The airplains -
Big ugly birds.
When flights are late
Drink bitter coffee at the airports.
The seconds rush,
Can't stop the time.
I'm Yours, You're mine
And I just hope that You will be fine. Because:

Ch.

Verse3: Dm G Bb C
The empty room;
All friends are gone.
Drink up and soon
You'll get to try the thorns of brand new crown.
Enjoy your life -
It's in your hand
What if it's not?!
What if it's one of those sad fairy tales?!

Ch.

Dm Bb Gm A

Turning comma

2008-05-06T01:44:00.001-07:00

Opened my eyes this morning and decided to shake my world a bit... What has to fall off will do so.
I no longer want to live like a jar with porridge in the oven. Revolution. I have a heart of a guy from St. Petersburg, for God's sake!

P.S.: Around 25th there is going to be a lil acoustic sitting-with-guitar-in-a-circle-session with a box of karlovachko. There the ones, who are willing to, will sing the stuff, produced and sang over the two years of Storm. I will write once more about the exact time and stuff later, when the time comes, for it is the E-time now and things are uncertain...

P.S.2: Kloshars are singing at the open mic, performing two songs. Special thanks to anyone, who in their furiosity supported us with conversations with the officials and else...

Two Years...

2008-05-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

Verse1:

For two years a second lasts a day,

Two years I will put in frame

D A

And hang above wherever my bed be

Verse2:

Two years that I will not forget;

Two years – one could not expect

That all of us will have to be replaced.

Bridge:

C G

Time... time has come...

Time... to press “restart”.

So open up your bottle

With my face at the bottom

'Cause what's the chance of seven heads in a row?

Chorus:

Em G

You're taking a gap,

I fly overseas

The forecast is bad -

We might not see each other.

Wait a minute

Let's sing together

Before the weather will change

And we will follow the tracks

Bridge 2:

Em G A7 Bb7 H7

Verse3:

All the songs, I wrote and

B Am

All the conversations, catching cold

Because we can't afford the coffee and

And Abrashevich is closed

The best experience, I had

It's like a bullet through my head

I can't just pack my stuff and go -

I hear voices saying:

Bridge:

Chorus: x 2 times

Bridge 2:

Em G A7 Bb7 H7

I will never be the same again

You'll never be the same again

They'll never be the same again

We'll never be the same again

If I was to say three words...

2008-04-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

If I was to say three words and it would be my last words, I would say: "I love You!"

If I had three words more I'd say: "Se la Vi...", or however it is spelled...

If I had just one more word to say, I'd say: "It'sgonnabeOkdon'tworrythanxforeverything".

But I can say much more - I have time, and yet, I don't have the right ones.

If I could just shake off the feeling of not belonging anywhere...But I don't have the right shoes.

I shall get them then=)

Крик

2008-04-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

В кровь разбивая усталые руки
Вытерев слёзы о стёртый рукав
Вновь поднимается синь отражая
Сталь, закалённая жаром огня

Пеплом посыпаны волосы серым
Серым окрашены шорохи слов
Жгучая кровь победит расстояния,
В бисер рассыпется эхо шагов

Боль одиночества, кортик измены
В спину ужаливший тех, кто не знал
Всё расплывается, всё тонет в Сене
Всё перед страхом о тех, кто рождал...

Мы улыбаемся, пишем и ищем
Просим, но только вот всё для себя
Если бы в книге неписанных истин
Видели мы то, что надо всегда

Выше и выше, душа рвётся в небо
Солнечный свет слепит наши глаза
Нам всё трудней возвращаться на землю,
Нам всё трудней забывать про тела

Белой рубахи расправив подолы
Правой рукой расстегну воротник
Воздух вдохну; мне не нужно иконы
Выгонем беса. Мы с Богом.
Наш Крик.

The rough translation as some asked...

To blood hurting the tired hands,

Wiped the tears with a worn out sleeve

Again is rising, reflecting the blue

The steel, hardened in the heat of fire

With gray ashes the hair is sprinkled

In gray the rustle of words is colored

The burning blood will beat the distances,

The echo of steps will scatter to pearls

The pain of loneliness, the knife of betrayal

Which stung the ones, who wasn't aware

Everything dissolves, everything drowns in Sena

Everything in front of the fear for the ones, who gave birth...

We are smiling, writing and searching

Asking, but somehow only for ourselves

If only in the book of unwritten truths

We could see what we always should

Higher and higher, the soul is striving to the sky

The sunlight makes our eyes blind

It's more&more difficult for us to return to the earth

It's more and more difficult for us to forget about the corporal

Straightening the lap of the white shirt

With the right hand I will open the collar

I will take a deep breath; I don't need an icon

We'll drive out the demon. Together with God.

Our Scream.

In Kosacha with myself

2008-04-01T03:29:00.000-07:00

Coffee now is almost finished,
Smoke is torturing the eye
In the sun they look distinguished-
Little pictures of the sky

Freedom fighters, burned in fire
Slowly marching through the door
Can't express myself in lines-
Way too narrow, I need more...

On the Bed above the Balkans
With a needle in a vein
Wind is strong and speed 300
Too much Red - forgive my sins

Accidental
Self-destruction
Light too bright
We're getting Blind
Sell my lyrics,
Take my heart out,
Write an article in Times

No, we've gone too far already
No, "No Exit", only straight
I await for happy ending,
I gave up myself to Fate

2008-03-29T04:15:00.000-07:00

A strange night. You said things that I didn't quite expect to hear... didn't know, how to react, didn't know, how to respond.

I am sorry for the words which sometimes slip out of my mouth. I think, I shall watch out, what I say from now on...

Now, when you gave it back to me it shall be a lil more easier for you. It was one of the two most precious things I had. Whatever. I'll try to help, although it is your quest, not mine.

You know, I'm always saying: "It's gonna be OK", but not many people believe me... It will, even if you don't as well. The ocean is full of fish and if we just could open our eyes for a second, we would be able to see the worlds which we'd never think of before...

break through

2008-02-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

Something is just not normal... I wish I could understand, what I'm talking about right now.
I was walking down the same familiar road, where I know every single stone and was passionately searching for a trouble... But happily or maybe not, I didn't find any, so now the whole dark annoying nervous thing just settled inside me.
I seriously do not understand why I lock myself inside this f.cking cage. Especially, when it's not a cage and it doesn't actually exist - it's only me, who is making it a cage.
Seriously, I should expect less and it would be much easier. I should...
One big stupid ashole I am. I should just start doing it and not be a f.cking fluder.
Life goes on: "Victoria!"

Hello, My Friend!

2008-02-24T07:53:00.000-08:00

Verse1:

Em

Hello, My Friend!

Indeed it's been so long

The pile of my unwritten letters keeps growing on and

G Am

I no longer dream of making world a better place...

Em Am## Em

How are You these days?

Verse2:

It's different now -

The sky is much more clear

My Energizer died while I was trying to be sincere,

And all, what's left are empty pages and nightmares

How are You these days?

Verse3:

I changed somehow

I've lost myself in words

Can't quite trace, how did it happen, but it couldn't be worse

And pills don't help in my God damn it bloody case

How are You these days?

Verse4:

Another day,

Another missing kid

Another pair of hands to do what our fathers did and

I no longer know what is good and what is bad

Give a hint, My Friend...

Chorus: Em Am G Am##

2008-02-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

I "love" Merima and I am a diamond!

Secret Confessions

2008-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

Verse1:

Cm# A Fm# B

Questions, Suggestions,

Dreaming of Future and

Secret Confessions -

Why are you testing me?

All good intentions are

Turning things upside-down

.............................................

Verse2:

Hidden aggression and

Wind breaks relationships

In a storm – SOS messaging

Broken-hearts bridge cracks like a pile of crisps x2

Chorus:

A A## C# (Fm) B

Dial up nine-digit number, don't forget to say “Good morning!”

Introduce yourself politely and invite for cup of coffee

Doesn't matter, they don't know you – we are humans, we are people

In the morning it's so lonely, our questions aren't so different..aren't so different x n times

Verse3:

Fallen and glorious -

Subject for gossiping

Fair equality

Stranger is tossing coin

All good intentions are

Turning things upside-down

.............................................

Verse4:

Goals are questioned and

Soon comes recession

My inspiration is under oppression

Broken-hearts-bridge cracks, like a pile of crisps x 2

Chorus:

Streets

2008-02-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

Verse1:

G B C A B

When all the words are flushed away

And we don't have too much to say

The sound of steps may change the day...

And windy weather once again

Verse2:

The town is sick, the shops are closed

Another junkie died from cold

The kids are trying magic sweets

From kind doctors on the ...

Bridge:

G B C G C G B Em

Streets are too empty, hearts are too cold,

Stars are as far as we left them before

Buy me a beer, sing me a song

Guide to the place where I won't be alone...

Chorus:

G B Em C

Waiting for good weather x 2 times

Verse3:

When gravity is n times more

Against any Newton's Law

A pair of shoes is torn apart

From senseless walking on the spot

Verse4:

Congratulations, You have won!

We always knew, You were the One

Come closer – try new outfit

And live on our empty ...

Bridge:

Chorus: x 4 times

It's OK

2008-02-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

Verse1:

A B D E

They're not gonna get our secret signs

The coin in the air will do the job... for us

The postman with really tired face

Will tell us that the rain has stopped

Bridge1:

Fm# E D

And it's OK...

It's OK

Verse2:

We'll get the train and let it go

Won't buy a ticket – let them try... to catch us

We're always ready for the show

For we were born to make the people happy...

Bridge2:

And so it goes...

Until the sun will sink behind the horizon...

Happy flow...

We always knew that... they are gonna get us

in the middle of the sweetest dream... is that another scene?

Chorus:

Fm# A E B H7

More than another scene, more than just take a train,

More than another “See You!”, more than whatever you had

Before I will make a step, rain has to wash away

Faces and theater games, words that we didn't say

Verse3:

You'll get your tea in the place you like... the most,

I'll write another cheesy song...

Behind the gate, you said...

I'll just drop in and smoke with you...

Bridge1:

And it will be OK...

OK...

Mountain Snow

2008-02-21T09:41:00.000-08:00

Verse1:

Bm A Fm# G

I saw the ones who make it easy,

I saw the ones, who make it straight

No matter, how hard they are living -

Their smile brings us faith

Verse2:

I'm not the one to take a shortcut,

I talk to my God in the rain

The silence brings me satisfaction,

The words, he says show me the way...

Chorus:

Bm G D Fm#

And you definitely know, 'cause you can see the mountain snow

Through your window – give it back, or take it all

It's the Justice, what's at stake -

Truth and trust can only make any difference in this world, which looks the same

Bm G

Take it all, take it all, take it all...

D Fm#

Give it back, give it back, give it back...

God forgive us, don't leave us alone...

Give us strength to get over the pain...

Verse3:

The wider path makes journey easy.

I guess, my path's not wide enough

The further north, the more it's freezing

I'm from the north and I don't mind

Verse4:

How long is year, when you're nineteen?

I miss you when you are around...

I guess it's all about fighting -

Truth and Lie inside my mind

Chorus: